Full Moons Over My Hammies

The Acupuncturist used every trick in her quiver to get at those stubborn knots in my hamstrings, and the most fun were the Chinese suction cups that left fist sized welts all over my legs and back. Pucker marks, deep red like a harvest moon.

In order to rid my hamstrings of their deep-rooted knots and ease my inability to pedal a bike or walk a flight of steeps, I took drastic measures. Shock and Awe, I call it. Last week alone I had one 90-minute massage, one P/T appointment, 2 chiropractic adjustments, and an acupuncture session with suction cup therapy and massage. The good thing is that my hamstrings and neck feel better, I can ride. The bad is that I'm not sure which helped.

Its true, chiropractors are a shifty breed and I'm betting that alongside their physiology and treatment courses that they study in equal depth marketing and shmoozing philosophies. I'm sure they automatically qualify for a dual degree in pyramid scheeming. Okay, I really like my chiro adjuster, she's cool and seems authentic, but she definitely works me over to keep making appointments. Two a week, no way, try two a month, baby cakes! But my P/T guy was hardly any different and when I left that appointment I didn't have the physical benefits of a good back cracking or a muscle rub-down, but rather, I felt like the recipient of a back-alley shakedown. In most cases a P/T is just a diagnostic, and I don't need someone to tell me what I gots: symptoms, shit, I know the symptoms!

I have good insurance these days but my limit is like 40 massage/acupuncture/chiropractic visits per year, and if you ask me now how I should allot those, I'm leaning towards massage being the most helpful and realigning my bod and maintaining my stellar, godlike physique. Oh yeah, I'm a cyclist: rather, my 12-year old prepubescent princess physique.

Its hard to justify 5-minutes on a chiropractic table the whole while wondering if your neck is going to get irreparably snapped versus 60+ minutes of sweet oil on bare-skin rubbing of sorely needed rubbed sore muscles. In a massage you are karmicly touched and loved; in a chiropractic adjustment you probably give up some good energy. Yuk!